


to win a game of hearts

by dis0rderly



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Angst, F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-12 06:39:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4469114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dis0rderly/pseuds/dis0rderly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She keeps a smile on her face until he is far, far away. Then she begins to cry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	to win a game of hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in FFnet, under the same name.

**i.** _i_ _f you were a flower by any other name._

"Primrose Everdeen."

Gale lurches from where he stands, eyes seeking out the frozen twelve-year old. Her face pale with terror, Prim begins to walk and Gale pushes his way through the group to reach the girl. To grab her and run, to hide her behind his bulk, to do something, anything just to keep her safe, alive. Katniss gets there first and through his haze, Gale hears her volunteer. A part of him stops, but his body maneuvers forward until he can grab Prim and lift her hysterical form away from the stage.

"Up you go, Catnip," is all he manages before his throat constricts and Prim is screaming hate in his ear. He keeps his hold on her until they reach Mrs. Everdeen and he allows himself to breathe. Looking back at the stage, Gale sees the signature blonde of merchant's blood that tells him the boy won't survive a day. He moves to hug the Everdeen's, hand grazing Prim's golden plait. Images of fragile Prim in the Games flash before him and Gale pulls them in closer.

He'll have hell to pay with Prim later, but he doesn't care. As long as she stays in his arms, he can keep her safe.

.

.

"From a range of one to ten, how much do you hate me?" Gale crosses his arms, leaning by a nearby tree as Prim walks out of the house, pail in hand. She stares at him blankly for a moment too long and Gale raises an eyebrow, letting the question fill the air. Prim answers by throwing the bucket at his head.

By the time Gale finishes grabbing the successfully avoided pail, Prim's making her way back into the house. He grabs her and pulls her back out, the door shutting in front of them. Gale spins her and it is the first time he's ever seen Prim so outraged.

"Let go of me, Gale! Let go!" Prim tries to free herself from his grasp and Gale becomes aware of just how small she is. For a few moments she fights to pull her arms away from his hold but he is too strong, and she, too weak.

"You can hit me, I won't dodge," Gale drops his hands and takes a step back. He makes an offering motion and then Prim is throwing blows. There is a faint sting with each strike and Prim keeps at it until tears are dripping from her eyes. Finally she hurls herself at his chest, her sobs shaking into him.

The most painful blow is to his heart as her tears begin to soak through his shirt.

.

.

"Katniss said you were bad at hunting," Gale mentions when Prim directs him to a deer she'd managed to fell. Prim has always been fond of animals and he was skeptical when she had asked him to take her into the woods.

"I never had to be good," Prim says, sitting on a fallen tree, eyes unfocused on the dead creature. "But Katniss showed me how to string a bow when I turned eleven."

Gale looks at her, really looks, realizing that she is not as frail as she seems. She turns her pretty blue eyes to meet his gaze to find that he has turned away from her. Prim knows just how bizarre it must be that it is her who now hunts with him, when just two weeks ago, Katniss walked these woods as his partner. But she hunts with him, glad for his distraction, the first smile on her face in what seems like forever.

"What? What is it?" Prim puts a hand out to her cheek when she catches Gale looking at her once more. The deer hangs from one shoulder and he looks more like a man than she's ever seen him before. Prim understands now why all the girls are jealous of Katniss for being Gale's best friend.

"Nothing," he tells her, the side of his mouth quirking up. Her eyebrows knit together, feigning anger until he answers. "It's just that, if Katniss saw you now. I don't know if she'd kill me or kiss me for taking you."

"Then Katniss doesn't need to know," Prim sticks her tongue out at him. His smile widens.

.

.

Peeta broadcasts his undying love for Katniss, something Gale had never been able to do, for the whole of Panem to see. Prim's hand reaches out to Gale when the camera pans to a blushing Katniss, little fingers encircling his tightened fist. Her gentle eyes tell him to breathe, just breathe, until the tension on his shoulders eases and his gaze returns to the final remarks. When she lets go, he returns to feeling distressed.

The kiss takes them both by surprise. But Gale more so, when Prim doesn't react to the face inching closer to hers, lips pressing harder and his tongue slipping in to meet hers.

"Where'd you learn to kiss?" Gale asks, once he has pulled away. Prim manages not to turn completely red at the question, but refuses to answer. Gale forgets his anger towards last night's broadcast as he imagines the number of boys that must have tainted beautiful Prim.

"Do you..feel better now?" Prim inquires softly, an unsure smile on her face. Gale doesn't hear it, hands running over his hair.

"But you're only twelve," Gale mumbles, looking defeated. Prim flinches and her smile falters as she is reminded that he is a man and she is just a child, just his only love's lovely younger sister. She is pretty little Prim and there are girls who'd laugh at her for thinking that she and Gale will ever be more than what they are.

Angrily, she crushes her mouth to his and makes him forget about the boys and the girls and all the things that make him worry.

.

.

He decides that her laughter can rival a mockingjay's song.

.

.

Prim likes the sound of people whispering as they pass. She knows that it must seem like she is a replacement Katniss, perpetually the younger sister, but Gale winds his hand with hers in such a way that she can pretend he truly cares.

A part of her feels weak. But Gale is strong enough for the both of them and she finds safety in his soft kisses.

.

.

"I would have volunteered, you know," Gale says out of the blue. Prim freezes, hand poised to bring the cup to her mouth. He explains by telling her about the time he tried to push through the crowd to take her back, the few seconds before Katniss volunteered. And when Katniss volunteered, he took Prim back, just like he had wanted.

"You're mistaking chivalry and affection," Prim frowns before taking a sip. The tea tastes bitter in her mouth and Prim tries to keep a straight face, making sure that Gale doesn't see the way his words affect her. To him, it seems that it's her that is mistaken.

"I would have kept you alive at all costs," Gale tells her, confused at the sudden desperation seeping into his tone. He wants her to understand just how much he cares. "I would have died just to have you safe."

"Gale, it's silly to say that you'd come in to the Games for me," Prim shakes her head lightly, lips tugging into a smile that doesn't reach her blue eyes. "You wouldn't keep me safe for my sake, you would just be dying for her."

It bothers him to think that Prim might be right.

.

.

She allows herself to wish that things will always be this way. But ashes and smoke cover all the stars in District 12.

.

.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present the victors of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark! I give you — the tributes of District Twelve!"

The eyes that had been watching the screen glaze over. The grip she has around his torso slackens until finally, her arms fall back to her side. Gale looks down at Prim to see a picture of tortured relief. Katniss is alive. Katniss is coming back.

"Hey, look at me," Gale takes her shoulders until her eyes meet his, confused tears dripping down her chin. He grabs her hands, entwining their fingers, trying to show her that everything is okay now. Instead her grip reminds him of the weak Primrose Everdeen that had not so long ago been called out from a piece of paper.

She pries her hands from his hold, barely fighting. And ever so quietly, Prim slips out of his life.

.

.

.

 **ii.** _the dangerous game we play_

She's coming home today. Katniss is coming back with her not-so-star-crossed lover and Gale has no idea how to feel. He's been thinking about it for the past week and his trouble grows every time he catches a flash of Prim's plaited hair. Prim has been avoiding him but she tells herself that it is for his benefit. Because Katniss is coming home and Gale loves Katniss, not her.  _It's painful to remind herself of these things._

It looks bad for Gale to be passing by the house because Katniss has yet to return and the Everdeen's already have enough game for the week. But Gale fears only Prim's rejection as he bares his all.

"Friends?" Gale asks, leaning by the doorway and looking down at Prim with a hopeful smile. Prim laughs once, quickly. His smile drops at the disdain in her tone.

"We were never friends, Gale," Prim reminds him, gently pushing him out of the house. It hurts more than it should, and he figures that he probably deserves it. He's already a few feet away when her hand slips in his and their feet fall in step as they make their way to welcome back the victors.

"Just friends."

She's looking at the road ahead, but her voice is steady and he knows that she means it. His heart throbs so much that he stops walking and it is Prim that must drag him to reunite with the only girl he's ever loved.

.

.

"Gale."

He turns. He was hoping to see her and there she stands, looking as beautiful as spring. Her blue eyes look over him, memorizing his every detail. It is his first day in the mines and the idea of his sudden death leaves her panicked, all other emotions vanished.

"I'll be okay," Gale recognizes the fear on her face. It reminds him of the first broadcast of the Games. It's so consuming that her body shakes lightly. Gale puts his hands on her shoulders and something switches beneath her terror. Eventually the quivering stops and she can nod at him. He'll be okay.

"Listen to the canary," Prim whispers softly. Then she steps away from him and walks away. He thinks that if he were to die in the mines, at least he'd have the image of her gentle blue eyes to keep him company.

But he listens to the canary and is grateful that he can keep her safe for another day.

.

.

He understands that it really must be over when he walks into the woods to find Katniss. It used to be their spot but all Gale associates the place with is Prim. Katniss is quiet as they hunt and Gale is reminded of they way Prim likes to make stops just to break the silence. Katniss is Seam and fragile little Prim doesn't fit in the woods anyway.

Gale can't help thinking that Prim is a much better hunter.

.

.

"I kissed her," Gale blurts out. Prim doesn't show any surprise. She remembers the day Katniss walked into their big new house, looking more troubled than usual. Prim has already taken the time to get used to the fact that both Everdeen's want one Gale Hawthorne.

Prim looks into Gale's deep-set eyes, a wry smile on her face. Her look says defeat, her white flag is the hand she reaches out to touch his cheek. All he sees is a blank stare and he can't help but wish he had a bigger effect on her. Still, he leans into the warmth of her palm and feels a surge of energy at the gentle touch.

"Listen to the canary, Gale," Prim whispers. He nods and she moves her hand back to her side as the rest of Seam begins to come alive.

It is her that is left standing this time, biting back tears and wondering when she had lost sight of who was truly most important.

.

.

"I'll be okay," he repeats to himself. He imagines telling this to Prim as each lash cuts at his back. He passes out to the sound of Prim's laughter the first time he took her hunting.

.

.

When Katniss kisses him, he thinks it's Prim. Through the pain, he sometimes sees her. Every time Prim comes, something happens to his wounds, like her very presence heals him.

Prim likes to watch him sleep, tears dripping from her chin. She used to touch the contours of his face but she was almost caught once. Now she only comes in to change his dressings, making sure to take the shifts when he is completely under. She whispers words of comfort and sometimes of anger and betrayal. Then she speaks of love, mumbling it under her breath so that no one outside the door can hear. Everyone is asleep so she hazards a kiss on his exposed cheekbone, one warm tear dropping on his face. With a sigh, Prim leaves.

His eyes open as the door shuts and his fingers move to touch the wet spot on his cheek. His sigh mimics hers, then he falls back asleep.

.

.

When Prim hears that Katniss is going back into the Games, an anguished shout leaves her mouth and she drops to her knees. Gales arms are immediately around her but she doesn't hear his reassuring words as the world goes dark.

When Prim wakes, she marches to the Hawthorne house and barely greets Hazel good morning before she's pulling a sleepy Gale out with her.

"She..she's..she's going back," Prim's hands fly to her hair as tears spring to her eyes. Gale pulls her into his chest as she repeats it again and again. Each time he can discern less and less between words and sobs.

When he can take the sounds of her pain no more, he thrusts her chin up and puts his mouth over hers. She cries into his lips but kisses him roughly. Soon there is more pressure than tears and her shaking stops.

It has the same effect as their first kiss, only this time it is she who loses focus.

.

.

They watch as Katniss is taken away without a proper send off. It's unclear who is more affected by the goodbye that remains on their lips.

Gale should be following his family but his body refuses to move from Prim's side. When the group begins to separate, Prim grabs his hand and pulls him into a run. They manage to slip away unseen, lost in the shuffle of people returning home. She breaks into a house in the Victors Village without batting an eye and Gale wonders out loud where polite little Prim went.

"She went off to the Hunger Games when her name got called out, then died," Prim answers. Thinking it necessary, she adds, "She had just turned twelve."

It is the first time Gale is rough on Prim and it suits her just fine.

.

.

"Do you think she's going to die?"

It is whispered in the darkness. There is a shuffle as bodies move to face each other, pull each other closer.

After a few beats comes a steady, "Yes."

They go back to sleep.

.

.

They fall back into their old routine, except this time, they are more weary. This time, there is a new meaning in their touches. This time, neither can recognize who will be first to break.

Primrose Everdeen, thirteen years old. Daughter, sister, lover, friend.

Gale mentions that she's morbid for making her epitaph. She tells him that she's had one since the moment Effie Trinket read her name out of a slip. There's an easy smile on her face and Gale thinks that there is no place he would rather be than in bed with her. Her knowing look has him towering over her tiny body to cut her laugh off with a kiss.

_But dreams don't come true in District 12._

.

.

The Games begin and Prim's heart catches in her throat every time. Hidden by the crowd, Gale clasps her little hand in his. It is a comfort mechanism, but neither know who needs comfort most.

"You'd make a great mother."

Prim laughs, bitterly. Katniss isn't pregnant. And she knows what is in the locket. Still, she lets her hope grow with every hour that her sister remains alive. She wishes that the Games will let Peeta come home too, if only for selfish reasons.

Gale must know what is going on in her mind. He can feel it in the way her hand clenches as her eyes focus too strongly on the picture of Peeta and Katniss' love. He finds that his heart hurts a little less when he avoids those scenes and looks at Prim's angelic face.

.

.

Gale Hawthorne, nineteen years old. Son, brother, lover, friend.

Prim gives him a satisfied smile. They sit on the living room floor, Prim covered in his shirt. Every day is easier when he finds a way to the house they broke into. One day he'll get caught sneaking out or one day they'll be found together. But he gladly takes the risk if it means he can stay in Prim's calming warmth.

"Something's missing," Prim says. She lists it out: "Son, brother, lover, friend. There's one more word that I can't seem to place."

He keeps quiet and opens his arms to let little Prim crawl to his lap. He almost forgets that his best friend is fighting for her life at this very moment. He almost forgets his anger towards the Capitol. With Prim's soft kisses, his fire calms. Sometimes he can almost convince himself that she is everything he is missing.  _Almost_.

.

.

"What if she survives?"

A laugh.

"Then she survives."

The real question hangs in the air until it is so thick that the words must be said.

"Will we?"

.

.

When the screen shows an explosion, Prim screams so loud that her voice breaks. Her mother has shut down but Prim is hysterical and Gale must wrap her in his arms to muffle her panic. She is quiet when he taps at her window and immediately faces away once settled in bed. She doesn't sleep that night and is the first to hear the sound of machines moving through the air.

Gale bolts up as the first bomb hits, hands grabbing for Prim's shadow. His breathing stops until he sees her, standing by the window clad in his black shirt. Immediately he jumps out of bed, taking Prim's hand and pulling her out of the house. District 12 is in turmoil and they forget how they must look to Prim's mother. Mrs. Everdeen is polite enough not to ask.

"Hero. That's what was missing," Prim suddenly tells him. Gale gives her a confused look, shaking sleep from his eyes and figuring out his next plan of action. "Son, brother, lover, friend, hero."

She pushes him towards the rest of District 12 and runs to her mother without a second glance.

Gale steels himself to be Prim's missing hero and after a breath, runs into the fire.

.

.

_Prim. Prim. Prim._

Gale's jogging, eyes seeking her out through the hundreds of refugees. He sees her mother but she is nowhere to be found and his panic grows.

"Prim! Prim!" Gale begins to call out, desperation creeping into his tone. Many turn to look at him but Gale ignores them, walking opposite the direction to escape. His own family is forgotten as the need to know she is alive overtakes him.

"I'm here," Prim's little voice answers. Relief fills him as he reaches her, pulling the tiny girl into a hug. She mentions something about Buttercup and begins jogging in the direction of the Victor's Village.

 _No_. He can't let her. And though Prim shouts and fights against him, Gale refuses to listen past his single minded determination. In a beat, he throws her screaming body over his shoulder and begins running away from the place that keeps her in danger.

He doesn't put her down until they reach Thirteen. And even as it is explained that Katniss was saved and everything is going to be okay, Gale refuses to let his lifeline go. He fears she will slip away and it only makes his grip on her tighter.

.

.

They watch from windows as an unconscious Katniss is carried in. Without Peeta. Gale looks down at Prim to see her blue eyes staring back. He goes cold at her look.

Her blank stare says it's game over. Because they both know the real game has just begun.

.

.

.

 **iii.** _when vision fades to black_

When Katniss wakes, Prim thinks that there is no other relief in Panem to match how she feels. For a moment she forgets the year she has just spent in a secret affair with the man that loves her sister. As Katniss grasps her hand, Prim lets out a relieved sigh and for a moment, things really are okay.

And then the moment passes and she remembers that the fire is catching.

She makes sure to visit when Gale isn't around but she's not sure for who's benefit she does it. It still hurts that once again, her sister has come first. Prim does her best to always avoid the hallway going to the Hawthorne living space and she takes the routes that she knows he doesn't need.

She is unprepared for the way her heart clenches as her gaze locks on his and he makes his way to her. His quick footsteps match her heartbeat.

.

.

"Hi."

It is simple, friendly. But behind those words is a plea to return, to please, please just come back to my arms again.

"Hello."

Their ankles touch lightly as they eat.

.

.

He doesn't realize his heart was aching for her until he sees her gaze on someone else. The man makes her laugh and Gale's vision flashes red. She jumps when she sees him standing before her with an angry look that she can't understand but makes her want him again, if only to put out the fire.

He doesn't feel any better knowing that she's in training and working with the doctor. On his way out Gale looks back and a moment later, Prim turns to meet his eye. He loses his breathe as Prim purses her lips like she used to before she kissed him.

.

.

He wonders how she wasn't caught but doesn't complain as her hands move along the panes of his chest. Her mouth is on his and they must stay quiet or risk waking the rest of his family. Gentle fingers ease the tension he has felt for the past few weeks, bringing him back to what is most important. It is the first time Prim has ever cried but she refuses to tell him why. Gale tries to pull her in closer but she shakes her head and begins to dress.

When she slips out of his bed, he can't help but feel dissatisfied: he has gotten used to waking up with her in his arms.

_Dreams don't come true in District 13 either._

.

.

Unconsciously she has begun to take his routes and is usually awarded with the flash of Gale. She's sickened by her state of being but refuses to stop searching. He holds a breath at each hall he passes, looking for her little body. His day feels better and better every time he catches sight of blonde braids. Sometimes he goes to the ward on the pretext of seeing Katniss but his lips make sure to press on to Prim's before he leaves.

They can almost forget that the entire nation is at war when she falls into his embrace. The days are best when their breaks match up and they can escape to a secluded room. As Gale lifts her up, Prim thinks to herself that even at the risk of death, she has never felt more alive.

He thinks of her soft touch when he returns to the ruin that is District 12. He can almost hear her saying breathe, just breathe.

When that doesn't work, he turns his face to Katniss and allows himself to kiss her.

.

.

When the siren starts, Gale's first thought is Prim. He sprints to the Infirmary, pushing against calm people walking the opposite direction. He knows the trouble he'll be in for panicking and going against instruction, but he has to know she's safe. He feels like he's back in the square, seeking out his lifeline, hopelessness filling him. Gale breathes in, ready to shout, and there she is, rebraiding her hair and walking like the siren call doesn't hurt her ears.

"Come on," Gale commands, gruffly. He tries not to show how worried he was, but his stoic face breaks when Prim begins to jog away from him. He catches up within two steps and grabs her arm, turning her to him.

"I have to get Buttercup," is all she tells him. But her eyes also say:  _No, not this time. You can't choose me this time_. He stops, and he can feel the shock spreading on his face.

Giving up, he follows Prim. When they've slipped safely into the bunker, Prim distances herself from Gale as fast as she can, heart in turmoil as she tries to discern between truth and her fantasy.

.

.

"Do you love Katniss?"

"Yes."

"What about me?"

"Even more."

.

.

When Prim finds out that Gale has volunteered to get Peeta, her heart catches in her throat. She is distracted from work and falls into bed with a headache. The idea that she might never have gotten to say goodbye leaves her shivering as she tries to piece together her last memory with him. Prim decides that she hates Gale just a little bit. And when he returns, she makes sure that she is on the team to take care of his shoulder wound.

Prim is rough on him and Gale takes the stings without complaint, he knew she would be angry. They are alone the next time he wakes and he pushes himself up. She stares through him, tucked into herself and looking older than her thirteen years.

"Prim," Gale says. It's an apology of sorts, but his tone says that he had to do it, he had to get Peeta, he had to be the one. Her eyes flick down for a few moments and there is a terse silence. Then she slaps him and as his head flicks to the side, she bursts into tears.

"You didn't tell me!" Prim shouts. It's a wonder that no one wakes.

With his good arm, he pulls Prim into his chest, stroking her hair and wondering when things started to get so complicated. She falls asleep in that position and Gale is grateful to live another day.

.

.

He never forgets to say goodbye and carries a picture of her smiling face tucked into a secret pocket. Eventually Prim learns not to be so afraid. She decides that she can't be selfish with Gale, and it helps her focus when she repeats to herself that he is fighting a war for the nation.

He tells her that it is all for her sake but she shakes her head and reminds him of Katniss. He never manages to convince her.

.

.

"When I get back, let's tell them," Gale whispers in her ear. She traces patterns on his arm like she can't understand. But she knows he means Katniss, Peeta, the entire District 12. He means that what they have is real.

She's not in his bed when he wakes and he has to,  _needs_  to find her for one more goodbye. Prim turns as his arms wrap around her.

"I love you," he says for the first time. Then he pulls her into a kiss and she must lean on him as the weight of it all makes her knees weak.

"Go get 'em, hero," Prim whispers to his lips. "Come find me once we're free."

She keeps a smile on her face until he is far, far away. Then she begins to cry.

.

.

As Gale talks to Peeta, he can't help but wonder what he's doing. They speak of Katniss and he thinks of Prim.

He realizes that she never said she loved him back.

.

.

When Prim's feet hit the ground, her main goal is to find his body for one last farewell. She knows that he'd be furious if he knew she had come, but Gale is dead so she lets herself be selfish. She's had a few hours, and imagining he is still alive helps her cope. Prim turns when she hears her name being called, Gale's smiling face in her sub-conscience.

As her lips form the name Katniss, her last thought is the fading image of Gale. And then the light consumes her.

.

.

When he finds out he runs, and runs, and runs until he's standing in a vast courtyard. Then Gale screams until his voice is hoarse and he keeps screaming. They find him on his knees, face buried in his arms to muffle loud, howling sobs. He wakes up and immediately vomits.

Gale doesn't know how he manages to speak to Katniss, knowing that it might have never happened if he had only let Prim calm his fire. He feels no better when President Coin crumples to the floor and Katniss is taken away. There is no revenge sweet enough to soothe his broken heart.

.

.

He scares people, he hears their whispers. Once, he invited a blonde back to his house in District 2; she went home in tears. He flinches at the sight of platinum hair and everyone that works for him cannot look like they come from the merchant's class. They think it's because he wants to be reminded of Katniss, but really, he does it so he never sees the flash of blonde again.

Gale falls asleep, imagining that she is tucked safely in his arms, hair tickling his nose. She was always prettiest when she let her braids out.

.

.

He can't be sure if she ever really loved him. Gale understands now that it was him who needed her more than she ever needed him. He makes a name for himself but feels that the name he never managed to live up to is  _hero_.

Gale convinces himself that it is because the good die young. He wonders if it was the only way they could ever stay apart. It seems that the third time truly was the charm.

.

.

"Are you coming back?" He imagines it is Prim. Because Katniss is too vengeful, too full of fire, too much like him. Prim, he realizes, was the sunny day that meant things were finally going to get better.

"Maybe when I'm not so busy," he always speaks vaguely. Truthfully, Gale is tired. He doesn't want to hear more voices, fearing that one day he will forget the sound of her beautiful laughter.

"I miss you, Gale."

"I miss you, too, Prim."

The dial tone reminds him that Prim is dead and he failed to keep her safe.

.

.

He still keeps the picture in his pocket.

Gale decides that there is no place where dreams come true.

.

.

He never returns to District 12. Prim was the only home Gale ever truly had.

 


End file.
